As parents, we often like obedient children. It saves lots of effort and time when the child obeys our instructions. But then an obedient child may miss out on the all-round development of his/her personality. When the child is not in the company of his/her parents and has to make an independent decision, he/she is at a loss. This situation may result in getting hurt, getting lost, etc.

This quote stands true for such children. ” Obedient children grow into obedient adults. They’re less likely to stand up for themselves, and more likely to be taken advantage of. They’re also capable of simply following orders without question, without taking responsibility for their actions”.- Dr Laura Markham

What is it to raise an obedient child:

We somehow got into the wrong notion that raising obedient kids is the ultimate goal of parenting. This may be related to our own upbringing or our culture. When we stress raising obedient kids, we focus more on chores getting done than on the kids.

This makes our job easy. When we see children being obedient, we appreciate the parents. But then we don’t want an obedient child to grow into an obedient adult. We often make fun of and ridicule an adult who is obedient and cannot stand on his/her own.

What is the problem with raising an obedient child?

As parents when we demand obedience from our children, it takes away their inner voice to determine and make a decision on what feels right or wrong. It becomes very difficult for the child when the parents or caretakers are constantly making decisions for them and are not given the option to choose or decide.

The disadvantages of being obedient are-

1. The child will be unable to make an independent decision when it is most needed.

2. He /she will depend on the parent’s instructions to deal with any small situations.

3. An obedient child is looked upon as a good child, but then this child may not have the forethought to see through a situation.

4. Such kids are subjected to peer pressure at its worst since they don’t know how to handle the situation in the absence of their parents.

S. A false self is created in an obedient child. The child thinks that being obedient is the only way to receive the parent’s love.

6. A parent can force obedience to the child but will fail to identify the causes behind the child’s behaviour.

7. As a parent when we demand obedience from our child, it doesn’t help to build trust or bonding so crucial for the parent-child relationship.

8. We parents are led to believe that obedient children mean successful parenting. But now we realize that obedient children are cause for

concern.

9. The obedient child will grow into an obedient adult with no individuality and whose only job is to listen or take orders from his/her boss.

When is disobedience among a child regarded as a problem?

When a child is disobedient, parenting seems to be challenging. The parents have to put in extra effort to convince the child to do something. In this way, disobedient children test the patience of the parents before they agree to follow the instructions.

Sometimes the parents are put in embarrassing situations when the child refuses to listen. Also, disobedience can put the child into danger which he/she may not be capable of handling. Due to these reasons, the parents start regarding disobedience as bad behaviour and try to discipline the child with negative results.

Merits of raising a disobedient kid:

Parents have to realise that disobedience in children is not a negative trait but actually, a behaviour that is natural, curious, exploring, thinking, questioning, learning or reasoning behaviour. It is their way of reacting to situations over which they have no control. And in this process, they become smarter and are able to stand on their own feet.

1. Creative:

Disobedient kids would not take orders blindly from their parents. They would find different and often creative ways to do things which is different from what their parents have expected.

2. Self-motivated:

Such kids are often self-motivated. When they set their mind on some task, they will not stop until it is done however difficult it is. And when the task doesn’t interest them, no amount of pressure from the parents would make them do it.

3. Risk-takers:

The disobedient kids are risk-takers. They will put aside all the cautions and warnings when they feel they can take the risk. The outcome may be success or disaster which they accept positively.

4. Rebels:

Disobedient kids often become rebels when their parents insist on obedience. They chart their own way and make their own decisions. Rebels have reached great heights and achieved feats which would not have been possible if they were under the shadow of their parents.

5. Leadership qualities:

Such kids often exhibit leadership qualities. Not only will they refuse to take the beaten path but also motivate others to follow the path, they have charted out.

6. Independent thinkers:

They are independent thinkers. When faced with a situation, they think, analyse and then react in a way that satisfies them and not their parents or elders.

7. Angry outbursts:

Disobedient kids tend to have angry outbursts as they struggle with their emotions. They shout, cry, stomp their feet etc. if things don’t happen as they want.

8. Make their own rules:

They will prefer to make their own rules and policies rather than follow the parent’s guidelines. Strong-willed kids are sensitive and are very concerned about fairness. They often blame their parents that they are not fair even when they are fair.

How to strike a balance between obedience and disobedience in a child?

We as parents should understand that an obedient child will follow the instructions blindly without understanding the repercussions of the actions and not take any responsibility. Also, we never know, there will be situations when the child must obey without being told twice, especially during emergencies.

The children should be empowered enough to understand when they must obey and when they can question the authority. Finally, we have to understand that a child is not a robot. He/she will try to understand what and why something is happening and disobedience is one of the main behaviours that help in this understanding.

How do you channel a disobedient child in the right direction?

1. When raising a strong-willed child, we have to understand that the child will be an independent thinker and at the same time well-behaved. 2. Supporting such a child, first and foremost we need to understand the behaviour and thought process of the child and why he/she is exhibiting disobedience.

3. Also, accept that disobedience is a normal trait in children. This is the way they learn using the trial and error method.

4. A strong-willed child may often put himself/herself into danger. As parents, we have to watchdog our strong-willed child without any interference and at the same time step in when our child may be in a dangerous situation.

5. Communication is the key to handling strong-willed children. Screaming and shouting at such a child will only bring about a negative reaction. Being calm and reasoning would yield better results.

6. Pick the right time or moment to speak to your child when he/ she is in the right frame of mind. Be firm when you have to say no. Leave no room for haggling or negotiations.

7. Whenever your child exhibits positive behaviour, remember to appreciate and reward the behaviour such that the behaviour is reinforced.

8. Instead of obedience, seek cooperation from your child. This would be a win-win situation for both you and your child.

Closing thoughts:

Gone are the days of, “spare the rod and spoil the child”. In our childhood children were expected to be obedient and if not they were forced to be obedient with the threat of punishment. Disobedience was not tolerated. The present generation of kids is smart and well-informed.

They have the ability to question, authority and at the same time not be afraid of venturing into unknown territory. They will follow their heart to fulfil their passion. Such children are perceived to be disobedient but we never know what heights they may reach which as a parent we may never even dream of.

I don’t want Palak. Can I please have pizza today?” Yes! Every parent gets to hear this. If not pizza then it’s a burger. Children in today’s time prefer eating fast food more frequently. They crave the juicy sauces and tempting tastes. There is no doubt that the food is delicious.

But, does it contain enough nutrients? Does eating fast food benefit your child’s growth? Parents have many questions regarding healthy eating habits for kids. Having concern for your child’s health, you may force them to eat healthy food. You will keep on rejecting your child’s request for pizza. You will also try to slip in healthy vegetables in a roll. No matter how healthy you serve, they just won’t eat properly.

Healthy eating habits for kids: Tips to make them eat food properly

We have come up with some ways to help you with your child’s eating habits. If you implement these methods in your child’s life it will change them. Your child, from a fussy eater, will turn to someone who looks forward to eating nutritious food. Children will have tremendous energy to do what they need to do in life.

1. Allow children to play with their food:

Let’s say you have served dinner. The plate looks colourful with dal, roti, rice and salad. Parents often insist that children eat in a particular manner. Break the roti and then eat it with dal. Have a bite of salad. Don’t do that. If children prefer putting the dal on roti and then eating it, let them. If your child wants to mix the dal and sabzi and then eat, allow that. What difference does that make?

The objective of making delicious food is for your child to eat it. It isn’t to eat it separately or in a particular way. So allow your child to eat in their own way. For your assurance, they will get all the nutrients in the food.

Some parents take eating seriously. They insist on their children to keep quiet and eat. Is eating punishment? No! So, if your child likes to sing while eating that’s fine too. As long as children eat what is served, a little fun is acceptable. Let eating be a matter of joy. Let eating be fun and play. How beautiful it will be if you tell your children to mix and match the food!

Ask them to try the roti with salad. Ask them to have rice with salad. Then, you ask them the difference between the tastes. If you made the dal different today, ask them if the taste is different. Let them guess what new ingredient you have used today.

Eating is important but it’s not a military campaign. Let there be emotions. Let there be drama and enjoyment. Let there be personal tastes and choices. Encourage your children to play with food. Let eating food not be a serious affair. You will see that your child is eating more than what you expected.

2. Create a food chart:

This is a normal thing parents will see when children won’t eat what is served. They will keep requesting fast food and snacks. We suggest you create a food chart to improve this habit of your children. Sit with your children and ask them what they would like to eat.

Their list will be filled with pizza, pasta, burgers, cutlets and whatnot. Accept their side of the agreement. Then you enlist the food that you want them to eat. Tell them that this food is necessary for their growth.

A few things are eaten for the taste, while many are required for the growth of the body. Having decided what they want, let them choose a few days to eat it. Allow them a certain number of days when they can eat what they like. For the rest of the days give them options.

For instance; you want your children to have protein. Give them a few options like kidney beans, broccoli, potato, and brinjal. Ask them what would they like to eat. The same goes for calcium and other nutrients.

Create a weekly plan with your children and make a fair deal of eating. Most importantly stick to the schedule. You can change the schedule for the next week if your child doesn’t feel like eating a particular food.

But, stick to the schedule that has been made. This will help your child to be disciplined. They will also be responsible for the decision made earlier.

3. Start small and grow big:

Parents have great expectations from their children. I want my child to have a plateful of paneer. There are chances that your child doesn’t like paneer. You still keep on insisting on eating a plateful of paneer. Why? Simply start small.

Let’s say, you desire children to eat at least 6 cubes, start small. Ask them to eat 1 cube for now. Make a pact with yourself that in 6 months you will get to the goal. You will see your child eating 6 or even more cubes of paneer. Also, don’t forget to appreciate your child’s effort.

Simply say, ‘I appreciate it. Even if you don’t like it, you eat just because mamma wants you to. Excellent! – “You are very brave to eat it even if you don’t like it.” – “You are smart to eat it because you know that your body needs it.’

Next month make it 2 cubes when there is no resistance to 1 The month later make it 3. Take 6 months. Start small and be consistent. You will reach to 6 cubes. Don’t put ultimatums like ‘if you don’t eat it I won’t give you the toy you liked’. Don’t make eating a punishment. They will resist even more. Just keep your calm, start small and be consistent.

4. Invite an adventure eater to your home :

It happens, sometimes, if we see someone eating passionately we feel like eating too. We crave the food even more if our friends like it so much. Apply the same method here. Invite one of your child’s friends to your home. Cook the food you want your child to eat. Make them sit together and eat. As the adventurous eater eats, you can start small.

Your child might say ‘It doesn’t taste good’. While, the friend goes on munching, asking for more. When your children see their friends eating in such a manner, they will start doubting. ‘Am I judgemental?” Is my taste bud not right?” Is something wrong with my preferences?’ Eventually, your child will eat the food. The key point here is to invite such an adventurous eater who likes the food you want your child to eat.

5. Make the food look beautiful:

The food is at the right temperature. The food at the right quantity on the plate. Food that looks colourful. Imagine if you serve a plate full of yellow food; yellow dal, yellow sabji like aloo. Wouldn’t it look boring? At least from the perspective of a child. Grow out as a chef within yourself See how else you can present the food. Can you create some variety?

Maybe you can add more colours to the dish by making red sabji. You can also go for palak paneer. There are varieties of dal, black dal, red sal, and orange dal. Go for these varieties. Add a little portion of salad to the plate, it is colourful and healthy. You can also serve the food in different shapes. Some days the rotis can be square or heart-shaped. The more the food looks beautiful, it will be for the child to eat it.

Closing thoughts:

If you find these methods relevant and exciting do implement them. Our aim is to feed the vital nutrients to children. It doesn’t matter what method. Lashing out at them and forcing them to eat won’t help. Have patience and make the process at a smaller pace. You will see your child will eat what is necessary.

Whether you agree or not, we all have been ignoring the harsh realities of life for quite some time. Even though we are technically advanced, we are traveling back when it comes to seeking the real meaning of life.

We have no clue about what’s going on with us and what our actual job on earth is.

We are all a bit stereotype when it comes to accepting the truth. Nothing hurts us more than the truth. And with the advancement, we have learned more ways to ignore the reality. However, ignoring the truth won’t make a difference. Truth can’t be changed, and only ignoring them is not going to change your life.

Here some of the bitter truths of life, which you should probably know. Understanding these life facts will help to live a better and happier life, at least a better life than the one you’re living at the present moment.

Everyone is a bit selfish –

Some people might act as if they are selfless, but do remember that nothing is the same as it looks from its outside. It is a fact that those *SELFLESS* people are the most selfish when it comes to something that’s related to them. Moreover, it will be dumb to consider anyone as selfless in this 21st century. No one is a saint here!

People look for kindness and not kinds –

Invest in kindness and not kinds .Kindness is what the world expects from you. If you gift someone a cell phone today, they will forget about it after a couple of months, but, if you help someone in need, they are not going to forget about it for a long time. The choice is yours, either invest in kindness or kinds. However, make sure that you invest in either one or the other.

Money is every thing

Money isn’t everything, but everything needs money. Who said the money couldn’t buy happiness? Well, it can. When you have money in your pocket, you are good enough to get anything and everything you desire. Of course, there are certain things in life which can’t be bought with money, but we aren’t going to list them here.

You cannot make everyone happy

Whatever you do, wherever you go, there will always be someone who will be unhappy with you. They might have a valid reason for it or might not, but it’s not something that you should care about.

Learn to accept that you cannot make everyone like you, just be yourself, and let the one come into your life who is ready to accept you just the way you are. Moreover being true about your character will make sure that you never have to fake your emotions. Faking is something that causes a lot of mental pain, so avoid it as much as you can.

Expectations always hurts-

Expectations hurt, Period. Life was meant to be lived freely not with full of unrealistic expectations. If you desire/expect something, make sure that you work hard enough to turn that into a reality sooner or later all by yourself. Never expect anything out of someone. You can expect things from only one person, on the whole, earth, and it is – YOU!

Friends are not always reliable-

Of course, friends are like the life jackets in a leaking ship. But, they aren’t always countable. If you have got some superb friends, they will surely try to help you whenever, and in whatever way they can, however, they won’t always be able to lend a hand. Some life moments are made to be faced alone. You cannot expect anyone to come and join you in some of those hard time; it is just the way life works. Those are the times when you realize how life works, and who are your trustable contacts.

Even though we never wish that you go through such times, but if you do, make sure that you do not lose hope and just go on the journey.

More friends does not means more fun

There is a misconception among people that higher the number of friends you’ve, more fun you’ll have.

The fact is the lesser friends you have, the lesser you have to deal with shits. Trust me; it doesn’t matter how many friends you have, all that matters is how many friends you can count upon when you are in need. For me, having a single best friend is better than having ten random friends who aren’t going to be with you for long.

A lot of people dream of having your life-

Most importantly, understand the fact that a friend to all is a friend to none .A single rose can be my garden, a single friend my world.

You are living in your comfort zone, having an active internet connection, food to eat, TV to watch and a roof to sleep under.

Do remember that even if you have only these four basic amenities, you are richer than 75% of the world’s population. Be happy for what you, but don’t settle for it.

The world is progressing rapidly, and you’ll be left behind if you are entirely content with what you’ve got now.

Make sure you know how to draw a line between being greedy and ascetic.

‘PARENTING MANTRAS FROM JIJAMATA-MOTHER OF SHIVAJI MAHARAJ AND MOTHER OF SWARAJYA’

What is parenting? How does ‘nurture’ influence development of Child?

A greatest example of it is how ‘Jijamata’ brought up ‘Shivaji’ as the great warrior, inspiration for everyone even in today’s era. She herself was warrior, administrator and later mentor for her child.

It is said that- Why we don’t have ‘Shivaji’ again because still there is no ‘Jijau’ who can give a upbring of the son like ‘Shivaji’. ‘Chatrapati Shivaji’ could not have been the same without her mother. Shivaji owes his greatness to the inspiration of his mother, who dedicated her life to upbringing him become greatest ruler.

What I understood is- Jijau must have been the only woman in the history who decided the purpose of her child’s life even before it was born.

While she was pregnant, every comfort be conferred upon her but she wished none of it. Rather she preferred to climb to the top of fort, wield swords, discuss political issues, put on amour and ride on horse …..It taught us that ‘GARBHA SANSKAR’ means not merely reading books but it is a process to imbibe all the positive psychological forces in fetus (‘Garbha’).

In Maharashtra, most of the women during pregnancy read about ‘Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaja’ because she wants her child to be like ‘Shivaji’ but she cannot decide what qualities of ‘Shivaji’ they want to be embedded in her child. Is it power / Strength?

No. there were many ruler that were more powerful than ‘Shivaji’, then what qualities that made Shivaji, the ‘Chatrapati Shivaji’ – blood pride for every Indian.

Below are the qualities that she imbibed in Bal-Shivaji…-

• Jijau instilled within Shivaji sense of Duty, Courage and Fortitude (It is strength of mind that enables person to encounter danger or bear pain).
• She embedded importance of Values and Dharma by telling him stories.
• Pride and Respect– Shivaji fought for the pride of ‘Swarajya’. In his life, Shivaji maharaj never crossed the line between pride and ego. He was always down to earth, treating all peoples equally and respectfully. It’s all by seeing his mother doing so.
• Foresight- Jijau taught him the strategies and to thought ahead of the time. Always to think about future impact of any decision and have solution ready in advance for the same.
• She taught him ‘Art of Politics’ and prepared him to be an honest ruler.

Thanks to ‘Jijau’ that helped him to handle trickiest situation with ease.

She had major role in nurturing/ parenting his grandson ‘Sambhaji Maharaja’, the great warrior, Sanskrit Pandit and also author of several books.

The efforts of parenting taken by JIJAMATA helped to full fill dream of ‘Swarajya’.

“Nurture a child, for betterment of Society and Nation”….the parenting lesson we can learn from her.

“Raje..I am willing to see you being sacrificed on battle field but I cannot afford to have a blemish that I gave birth to a son who had scarred and ready to take his own life out of fear.” -Maharani Jijamata

In today’s digital age, it is not very uncommon to find even toddlers using gadgets. Many parents try to please their children by giving them tablets and phones so that they are kept busy and entertained. But have you ever thought that a toddler needs more human interaction than with an AI?

A child’s early developing stage is until the age of 6. Hence, it is very essential that you do not let him or her be dependent on gadgets.

Do not forget that every child needs attention and gadgets are no substitution to it. Here are few things that you can do to help your child move from the digital to the development stage.

• Get Real Games: 3D games are fun and attractive, but they also harm your child’s mental growth. So, instead of downloading a game on your tablet or phone, get your child a game appropriate for his or her age. Games which will help your child in learning and at the same time have fun with it.

• Spend More Time with your Child: It is very important that you try to spend as much time as you can with your child. The more time spent with your child, the more disinterest your child will be with the gadgets.

• Encourage Creativity: Every child at the toddler stage loves to draw (or should I say scribble).Encourage your child to be creative and let him or her draw or scribble. Appreciate your child for what he or she has created.

• Get Them Involved: You may want to keep your child away from the household work, but the truth is by keeping your child involved during your household chores can help you interact with him or her better. It also makes it easy for them to learn quickly and easily.

Do not let gadgets hinder your child’s growth. Enjoy this stage with your child because time does not turn around.

Parents easily get stressed when the exam time of the children draw closer. Exams can really be stressful for the entire family, but in reality, it needn’t be this way. It’s understandable that the child will experience stress and anxiety. If we as parents stress out, kids will stress out even more. Instead of putting additional pressure, there is a lot that parents can do motivate their kids for scoring well and prepare systematically for their exams.

Here are 10 practical and handy tips for the parents that will help them prepare their kids score well in the exams and reduce stress:-

1. Know your child’s Exam time table – A very helpful way to help reducing yours and your child’s stress during their exams. Parents must know what exam the child has got next in order to help them prepare on time. It proves to be an extra element of support. You can simply add it to your calendar or pin a copy of the exam time table onto the notice board.
2. Regular monitoring of their studies– Always take some time out to monitor your child’s progress. Sit with your child and design a schedule so that he or she has enough time for revision. Lending a helping hand in building a useful schedule for their days and weeks will help them efficiently utilising their time. Don’t let them putting off all the preparation for the last days.
3. Cut back on distractions– Any distractions, be it TV, gadgets, phones, gatherings, parties or even a disturbance from siblings must be avoided. It’s imperative to give your child the right atmosphere during exams to make him perform and score well. Try to allocate a comfortable room or a space in the home for your child to study in peace.
4. Do not compromise on child’s nutrition – Your Child health might get affected while dealing with exams pressure. An extra and special care is very much required keeping in mind the pressure child has on his mind. Adding fresh and seasonal fruits may do wonders for them. It helps them improving their concentration levels.
5. Enough sleep is fundamental – Be it school or exam, enough sleep is essential for a child to perform well. Teenagers have a habit of catching up on social media before bed which can cut the sleep time resulting in them being tired right before their exam. Prohibiting device in bedroom especially during exams or cutting off the internet is highly recommended. Installing parental control is also advisable during exam time.
6. Help them to be active – Encourage them to take breaks between studies. As studying continuously will tire out the brain and affect the ability to retain knowledge. A power nap, stretching exercises, listening to music OR dancing can refresh and re-energize them. Processed food, high caffeine or sugar intake can make kids anxious during exam days. Teenagers are recommended not to exceed 100 ml of caffeine a day. Encourage them to take plenty of water.
7. Never compare your child – Comparing your child with other kids, using negative words to demean them, or questioning their caliber on the basis of scores will just hurt the sentiments of the child. His true potential shouldn’t be measured with scores in the exams. Parents must remember that exams are just one of the many challenges your child will face and it’s not the end of life. So, take it easy!
8. Reward your child efforts- Rewarding your child is important to motivate them to put their best foot forward.Don’t bribe them with expensive gifts. A simple family outing or catching up with friends or cousins after the exam can help the child to take his pressure off.
9. Identifying warning signs, if any –Its imperative to ensure your child’s mental well-being too. It’s natural to feel anxious during exams. But if there are signs of extreme anxiety, loss of appetite, anger issues or irritated mood, these could indicate that the child is not keeping well. Always keep a check, intervene and talk to them at the right time.
10. Stay calm – Don’t build too much pressure on them. Stand in support of your child, believe in his abilities, help them preparing for the exams without overburdening them with your expectations.